So how do I start this?
It's been three months since I last worked for the Crazy Horse in Adelaide. Since then things have been running slow. I've applied for over 50 jobs, a lot of rejections and no interviews. Some days it's hard to keep a positive attitude and outlook seeing the rest of the world move on without me. Money's pretty tight, I owe people money and pretty soon I'll have a tax bill to pay. The future is uncertain.
I read in my Facebook feed that the roof bar at The Horse is completed and opening tomorrow. Didn't think it would affect me at all however it's a strange unsettling sensation being on the outside looking in. The club is moving on, once more mutating into some sort of high end modern day burlesque arena and good luck to it. It's a worthwhile concept but one which I wouldn't fit into now.
My DJ days are over now. My dismissal from the Crazy Horse didn't come as so much a surprise as a disappointment but inevitable conclusion. My last night working behind the desk was one of the worst shifts I worked as I engaged in a bitter war between audience and performers siding with the crowd in front of me. Trying to entertain the punters as they demanded (literally, they were coming up to the DJ box complaining about the music and demanded that I changed it), I ended up in a confrontation with some of the dancers who let it be known to me in a, um, forceful manner they didn't appreciate my input or suggestions. I had pre-packed my things and made a firm decision to walk out right then if I could somehow manage to escape without being detected. When the only option is the front door in front of bouncers and owners of the club, it makes the art of making a stand a bit hard to perform. I was really in no mood for a Hindley Street brawl centred around myself.
But... I kind of wished I had now, to make a statement and bask in it's notoriety. "You know that DJ Dazz just fucking walked out in the middle of the show? Can you believe that? What a (insert choice of crass noun here)!". To say to everyone in the aftermath that I raised my middle finger to the whole club and industry and make sure I was never going to work in Hindley Street ever again due to my impertinence. What a fitting conclusion to the realm of DJ Dazz! What bragging rights!
Alas, history shows that I was told I was no longer required to work at the club. Those last eighteen years ended with not a bang or statement of some sort but the empty fizzing sound of a fire cracker extinguished before it had chance to take flight.
Do I miss the job? Not so much performing the task at hand of introducing the ladies onto the stage or wondering what song to play next, usually with a maximum of 90 seconds to decide. Too much pressure and stress to get it absolutely right and God forbid my state of mind if I got it ever so slightly wrong. Looking back with hindsight, I wasn't that a good DJ; I just got very lucky sometimes. As for my MC skills, that was just an imitation of the countless radio DJs I grew up listening to, back when disc jockeys were fully qualified music nerds who had an inner longing to share with everybody their first love: music. Today's radio seems to be full of comedians and sport celebrities, none which have the passion for what they play (well that's my opinion and sharing opinions is what blogs are for). I could mix sometimes but the modern DJ art of key changes, dropping in samples etc... that didn't interest me (but I will say I was impressed with some of the new DJs on the Adelaide scene, they were less impressed with my age and that I was doing it at all).
I do miss the people, terribly. Well some of the people, there are a few I have no wish to ever be in contact with ever again. I take comfort in the fact that those people will never go out of their way to give me a passing thought anyway. That's life.
As for the people I don't see now on a weekly basis and whose company I enjoyed and treasured, they are continuing with their professional lives, still being involved in the bohemian nightlife that the seedy underbelly of Adelaide offers (actually it's not that seedy, only to people who never go out and indulge in it; for those working within, it's just a job). Every now and then I try to summon up the nerve to get in some sort of contact with them, ask how everything is going and ask the self-indulgent question of whether they miss me or not. However realising their waking hours are now the opposite of mine and they still have to deal with the day-to-day running of lives, I resist that temptation and let Facebook due it's daily duty of status updates to make sure I keep in some sort of touch.
I guess all this sprung to mind when I saw the Facebook updates about the new rooftop bar at The Crazy Horse. It unsettled me, like seeing a picture of an ex who is now happily married with children as you are sitting on the couch in faded t-shirt and track pants with the stinging sound of an empty house in your ears. I'll admit that some of my days are like that, sometimes by choice. That's the reason I started blog writing again, to have a conversation about myself with the screen hoping the screen will allow some self feedback.
Anyway there was lots more I wanted to write about but those thoughts can be saved for another blog another time. It's now lunchtime on this cold cold day and I need to eat and hear some good uplifting/interesting music.
Oh that's one thing I don't miss at all from the club days: some of those bloody God awful tunes I had to play! See? You can find a positive in everything
Tuesday 26 June 2018
Tuesday 4 September 2012
The Miss Nude Australia Pageant 2013
Beware: This is a blog. It's an opinion, not fact. Read it as such. Any wrong assertions and assumptions are strictly the invention of the author. It is not necessary to agree with the author and he has no quarrels with the reader should they disagree.
The Miss Nude Australia Pageant is over for another year and I made a decision to write only one blog this year once the dust has settled and the props have been firmly packed away or more likely destroyed. Many people have asked me where was the blog was (and by "many" read "three") and so for those people here's another irrelevant look at the biggest week in the stripping calendar that doesn't involve a car race in some way shape or form.
First things first; so what was the competition like this year? To say there was no one clear standout throughout the week is perhaps an indicator that the competition this year was either a) very close with outstanding shows or b) very bland. I'm tending to side with the latter. There was no danger. No mystery. No humour. Most importantly, No Sex. This year was overwhelmed with pale imitations of the film Burlesque and when it wasn't, we had the same parade of cowgirls, cheerleaders and one warrior princess. Not one original idea or a new way to present a theme. Hell, we even heard the same songs! I guess it does comparison easy for judging purposes if everyone does the same thing but the same complaints from previous year's competitions apply this year as well (too numerous to mention, read last year's blog and just change the names).
It appears that more people are willing to accept mediocrity as entertainment. One only has to look at TV, music and movies to know that "safe" is high on the agenda and it is this affliction that has invaded the stripping industry of all things. That is not to say that we should resort to X-rated or exploitative shows such as the insert of fruit into holes with no teeth or a couple of young nymphs rolling around in jelly trying to pin each other (actually, I must say that last suggestion is very titillating excuse the pun) but what made burlesque in the 40s and 50s so alluring wasn't so much the extravagant costumes or the glamour but rather the brazen mystery and tease. A bit of research will tell you that the music used was in fact more blues based than big band jazz. Watching a movie titled Burlesque with Christina Aguilera does not qualify one to all of a sudden put on a burlesque show. Face it, movies like Moulin Rouge and Burlesque are good entertainment but are extremely camp, not a show that bucks night would want to see and let's be honest, that's your audience whether you like it or not.
However the competition is all about the industry. It's about showing off to other strippers, about glam-ming it up and put on the most dazzling costume one can afford. It's about putting on make-up and doing the hair. It's also about putting on that show which you want to put on every night with props and flashing lights and no DJ yelling through the microphone begging patrons to make some noise if you want the lady to remove her top. In lots of ways, it's a major step up from performing dance routines as a young girl to the latest Top 40 sensation of the day in the loungeroom all those years ago. Actually we did get a dance routine as a special guest appearance when two feature attractions Olivia Johnson and Stripteaze dance a routine to Beyonce's "Girls (Run The World)". It was high energy and entertaining but one suspects the paying men around the catwalk were just imploring the young ladies to show their tits or cleavage or ANYTHING. However the ladies of both persuasions (do I need to explain that?) were highly impressed. Thus the line was drawn right there; great show, wrong venue.
The winner this year was Madison Ivy Love who represented Melbourne. In all honesty I don't remember much of her show other than the 1940s US army costume she walked out in. Nice body, great smile and deservedly a winner. Okay so why did I write that? The shows were so bloody boring that I really had a difficult time separating one from the other and so I must assume Madison was the best on the night because the ever-knowing judges declared so (he says with a smirk - an overtly-camp celebrity journalist from The Sunday Mail is judging on my behalf who is the hottest female stripper? Sorry but I may not trust his opinion over a guy who runs a mine. Yep, that was the quality of the judging panel this year).
One performer who I did notice was a lady whose stripping career has very brief so far, The Strawberry Siren. Her enthusiasm and humour was a breath of fresh air after a parade of po-faced performances. The Siren's show seemed to be stamped with her personality and the wink of a good time should one ever meet her off the stage. She came in third but that must surely be an encouragement as this is her first competition. For those same reasons I enjoyed the shows by April Love and Sash De Bleu. Both ladies had that knowingly sense of the ridiculous and simply had a good time doing their shows. Most importantly they connected with their audience. Tits and ass are all well good (in fact they are among the best two things in life) but that X factor is what really wins over the pundits.
Electra Kelly came in second. She has entered the compeition a few times and has always cracked the top three but never the top spot. She did a can-can routine (see? That Moulin Rouge factor again) then tumbled back into familiar habits of performing as though one idea was quite enough. I shouldn't be so scathing because she is a fantastic girl to do shows for but next time, if there is one, I suggest a different type of show. One that will grab the attention rather than blend in with the other contestants.
Last year's winner Cassandra Fox also performed and gave us a preview of a burlesque project she has been working on. Not bad but oh so safe. My mother would have enjoyed it which I'm not sure is exactly the point. Having wrote that, it is part of a planned two hour show to do theatres and I can see what Cassandra is trying to do. It's not something I would pay to see though. I'm sorry but I can't quite get over the pretentious factor. Yes you can argue that this blog is one big pretentious wank (but you've made it this far so stop whining) but I don't want po-faced sexuality thanks. Then again a lot of people do so God bless them and be on their way.
So that was the competition this year. It was costumes, bright lights and beautiful girls with great bodies. It wasn't fun though. One only had to look the patrons who came off the street to realise that burlesque and striptease are two different things. You can successfully argue that stripping competitions are different beasts to your normal everyday "pub" strip shows but that's the opinion of people who work in the industry week after week seeing the same shows every night. In fact "pub girl" seems to be a high insult in stripping circles. Excuse me then. Those "awful" pub girls bond with their audience, makes the men come back for more and more. Without an audience, you don't have a show.
I have heard this year's competitions was regarded by some people as one of the best of all time. No I cannot agree. It was the most blandest, most unexciting and most camp of them all. I was just aching for a rock song towards the end. I was demanding an element of mystery. I implored the girls for a dose of sexuality that did not involve the spreading of legs and playing with one's playground set. In short, I wanted a show for "us blokes" not a bunch of other strippers and drag queens.
And I certainly don't want a bunch of Christina Aguilera wannabes, that's for damn sure.
The Miss Nude Australia Pageant is over for another year and I made a decision to write only one blog this year once the dust has settled and the props have been firmly packed away or more likely destroyed. Many people have asked me where was the blog was (and by "many" read "three") and so for those people here's another irrelevant look at the biggest week in the stripping calendar that doesn't involve a car race in some way shape or form.
First things first; so what was the competition like this year? To say there was no one clear standout throughout the week is perhaps an indicator that the competition this year was either a) very close with outstanding shows or b) very bland. I'm tending to side with the latter. There was no danger. No mystery. No humour. Most importantly, No Sex. This year was overwhelmed with pale imitations of the film Burlesque and when it wasn't, we had the same parade of cowgirls, cheerleaders and one warrior princess. Not one original idea or a new way to present a theme. Hell, we even heard the same songs! I guess it does comparison easy for judging purposes if everyone does the same thing but the same complaints from previous year's competitions apply this year as well (too numerous to mention, read last year's blog and just change the names).
It appears that more people are willing to accept mediocrity as entertainment. One only has to look at TV, music and movies to know that "safe" is high on the agenda and it is this affliction that has invaded the stripping industry of all things. That is not to say that we should resort to X-rated or exploitative shows such as the insert of fruit into holes with no teeth or a couple of young nymphs rolling around in jelly trying to pin each other (actually, I must say that last suggestion is very titillating excuse the pun) but what made burlesque in the 40s and 50s so alluring wasn't so much the extravagant costumes or the glamour but rather the brazen mystery and tease. A bit of research will tell you that the music used was in fact more blues based than big band jazz. Watching a movie titled Burlesque with Christina Aguilera does not qualify one to all of a sudden put on a burlesque show. Face it, movies like Moulin Rouge and Burlesque are good entertainment but are extremely camp, not a show that bucks night would want to see and let's be honest, that's your audience whether you like it or not.
However the competition is all about the industry. It's about showing off to other strippers, about glam-ming it up and put on the most dazzling costume one can afford. It's about putting on make-up and doing the hair. It's also about putting on that show which you want to put on every night with props and flashing lights and no DJ yelling through the microphone begging patrons to make some noise if you want the lady to remove her top. In lots of ways, it's a major step up from performing dance routines as a young girl to the latest Top 40 sensation of the day in the loungeroom all those years ago. Actually we did get a dance routine as a special guest appearance when two feature attractions Olivia Johnson and Stripteaze dance a routine to Beyonce's "Girls (Run The World)". It was high energy and entertaining but one suspects the paying men around the catwalk were just imploring the young ladies to show their tits or cleavage or ANYTHING. However the ladies of both persuasions (do I need to explain that?) were highly impressed. Thus the line was drawn right there; great show, wrong venue.
The winner this year was Madison Ivy Love who represented Melbourne. In all honesty I don't remember much of her show other than the 1940s US army costume she walked out in. Nice body, great smile and deservedly a winner. Okay so why did I write that? The shows were so bloody boring that I really had a difficult time separating one from the other and so I must assume Madison was the best on the night because the ever-knowing judges declared so (he says with a smirk - an overtly-camp celebrity journalist from The Sunday Mail is judging on my behalf who is the hottest female stripper? Sorry but I may not trust his opinion over a guy who runs a mine. Yep, that was the quality of the judging panel this year).
One performer who I did notice was a lady whose stripping career has very brief so far, The Strawberry Siren. Her enthusiasm and humour was a breath of fresh air after a parade of po-faced performances. The Siren's show seemed to be stamped with her personality and the wink of a good time should one ever meet her off the stage. She came in third but that must surely be an encouragement as this is her first competition. For those same reasons I enjoyed the shows by April Love and Sash De Bleu. Both ladies had that knowingly sense of the ridiculous and simply had a good time doing their shows. Most importantly they connected with their audience. Tits and ass are all well good (in fact they are among the best two things in life) but that X factor is what really wins over the pundits.
Electra Kelly came in second. She has entered the compeition a few times and has always cracked the top three but never the top spot. She did a can-can routine (see? That Moulin Rouge factor again) then tumbled back into familiar habits of performing as though one idea was quite enough. I shouldn't be so scathing because she is a fantastic girl to do shows for but next time, if there is one, I suggest a different type of show. One that will grab the attention rather than blend in with the other contestants.
Last year's winner Cassandra Fox also performed and gave us a preview of a burlesque project she has been working on. Not bad but oh so safe. My mother would have enjoyed it which I'm not sure is exactly the point. Having wrote that, it is part of a planned two hour show to do theatres and I can see what Cassandra is trying to do. It's not something I would pay to see though. I'm sorry but I can't quite get over the pretentious factor. Yes you can argue that this blog is one big pretentious wank (but you've made it this far so stop whining) but I don't want po-faced sexuality thanks. Then again a lot of people do so God bless them and be on their way.
So that was the competition this year. It was costumes, bright lights and beautiful girls with great bodies. It wasn't fun though. One only had to look the patrons who came off the street to realise that burlesque and striptease are two different things. You can successfully argue that stripping competitions are different beasts to your normal everyday "pub" strip shows but that's the opinion of people who work in the industry week after week seeing the same shows every night. In fact "pub girl" seems to be a high insult in stripping circles. Excuse me then. Those "awful" pub girls bond with their audience, makes the men come back for more and more. Without an audience, you don't have a show.
I have heard this year's competitions was regarded by some people as one of the best of all time. No I cannot agree. It was the most blandest, most unexciting and most camp of them all. I was just aching for a rock song towards the end. I was demanding an element of mystery. I implored the girls for a dose of sexuality that did not involve the spreading of legs and playing with one's playground set. In short, I wanted a show for "us blokes" not a bunch of other strippers and drag queens.
And I certainly don't want a bunch of Christina Aguilera wannabes, that's for damn sure.
Sunday 28 August 2011
MISS NUDE AUSTRALIA 2011 - The Friday Final
It's the biggest night in Australia's stripping calendar. Yes there a lot of similar competitions out there, let's be honest every club/agency seems to have their own, but the Friday night final of the Miss Nude Australia Pageant is the original, the best and most highly regarded. It is also quite often the most controversial and I've heard different stories, theories and rants over the last decade about who should have won and those who actually did. Like any other competition involving creativity of some kind, the winner can often bewilder the public to the point of anger, disappointment and delusion. How many times has a movie won Film Of The Year under slightly dubious claims of validity? Has everyone who is a music fan agreed with what the Grammy committee has chosen as Album Of The Year? Even those God awful TV talent shows have thrown up an absolute left-of-centre choice that makes one think if everything is above board.
So it is with our humble pageant. It's very usual, almost a given, that people complain about the winner. The only two occasions I can recall that people were in utter agreement was in 2009 with Amarli Inez and 2002 with Morgan Summers. Not to say that all previous winners are undeserving because major success is hard to achieve and should be applauded (as long as it is achieved in honest manner which these days involving anything at all to do with entertainment you have to question) but that is simply the nature of the beauty contest beast. Yet I have not witness such an outpouring of utter bewilderment at this year's winner, even by people who I assumed would be on the winner's side. So did the judges get it wrong and how? Is the public looking for something new? Should the criteria be reassessed? At the end of the day, one can only shrug their shoulders and ask does it really matter. To use a parallel example, the best film category at The Academy Awards of 1977 featured both Annie Hall and Star Wars in the nominations. Annie Hall won the Film Of The Year but to a lot of people, Star Wars hold a special place in the heart and to their minds was the best film of 1977. So who is right? (For the record, I love both films but hopefully you know the point I'm trying to make).
So let's get down to the basic thing you are here to read and that's the rundown of contestants. I shall also list their individual awards as well. So who didn't make the cut?
AMBER EDEN (Dance Champion)
CANDY (Most Unique Show)
HONEY (Most Exotic Showgirl)
KAYLEE (Best Butt)
ZAHRA STARDUST (Pole Dance Champion)
MERCEDES (Most Photogenic)
Which leads us to the final eight.
RIKKI-LEE RITCH ("Fergie" from Black Eyed Peas - Best Breasts) :- It was a high energy start to the competition. Rikki's shows are always fun and she always appears to enjoy herself but in this sort of competition where glitter is more important than sex (or fun for that matter), Rikki didn't really have a chance of appearing in the top three. However she knows that which means she can perform with a sense of abandon that a lot of this night's shows seemed to lack. Having said that, Rikki's sense of fun is contagious so what is there not to like? (7.5/10)
AMBER LEE (Cowgirl - Hottest Legs) :- Yes, another bloody cowgirl which every stripper has done in some form or another. Well that may not be the case but it sure appears like it. Apparently Amer-Lee was a "Rodeo Barbie". The music mix was confusing at the beginning as the song "Barbie Girl" was overheard during the same tired cowgirl choices. Why doesn't these girls use country music for crying out loud? Contemporary country would be ideal. An average show. (5/10)
TANIKA WEST (Frenchmaid - Beauty Queen) :- Looking like she just transported herself from some 1988 hair metal rock band video, the lady with the most obvious boob job may have given one the impression that this year's final was under-par. The night got better as it went on and it's a good thing that Tamika was after Amber-Lee because she would have laughed off the stage if she was slotted in between the latter contestants. Put bluntly, this was crap. Everything you don't want in a strip show in 2011, barring the odd buck nights' party down the local pub. (3.5/10)
LEILANI (Lara Croft - Hottest Body) :- So now the competition really heats up and Leilani went for the gymnastic side of stripshows by once again hanging herself in various contortions from silks hung from the ceiling. Of course she got a huge reaction which proves my tired old point. Consider that at this stage of her show, Leilani has not taken off any of her costume yet she received thunderous applause which makes one think that the actual art of striptease is not as essential as the visual WOW factor. Therefore none of this show was cerebral and it is almost treating the audience with contempt, as if we have to be shown what is entertaining rather than leaving room for one's imagination. Leilani also decided to use day-glo paint once she got naked to wash off in the shower. Unfortunately the application of said paint to body made it looked like the aftershock of a monsterous sneeze. Not alluring. (7.5/10)
ASHTON AVENUE (Bride - Businessmen's Choice Of The Year, whatever that means) ;- I was glad that Ashton made the final and it seemed only proper. Talking to a lot of young guys after the shows, they made a special note of Ashton's appearance and show. So you may understand my dismay when for the final out comes the stage decorations, none of which she had before. Silver ribbons, baloons, confetti etc. which makes one ask why as they were not used in her first shows and she certainly didn't use them at all during this show! Maybe last-minute nerves or some wayward advice. I'm sorry to say that this performance wasn't as good as her others during the week but at least the bubbles were better on the night. Lots of potential but Ashton should not get sidetracked. (7/10)
SERENA BAILEY (School Teacher - Most Sensous And Erotic Woman - Miss Nude Australia 2nd Runner-up) :- I won't say anymore about the controversy other than I believe this lady was the best not only on the night but all week and in a lot of people's eyes should have been the winner. Serena was sex on legs, hot without being tacky, absolutely beautiful and every guy (and some girls, let's be honest) exact idea of what they want to see and experience in a stripshow. Don't worry Serena fans, we'll be seeing her next year. Utter brilliance. So what were the judges looking for or at? (10/10)
*I was told after the shows that Serena has done very little stage work up to this point. Unbelievable! Where do they make women like this? Can I go there?
ELECTRA (Vegas - Most Sex Appeal - Miss Nude Australia's 1st Runner-up) :- I don't think anyone can mount a good argument against Electra being in the top three. Certainly her show this night was performed with more confidence and was very good. While in my eyes Electra wasn't as alluring as Serena, she does exude a certain sexiness that is more fun than dangerous but this is hardly a minus point! Electra was certainly better than last year where she also came second and I was disappointed to hear that she had a diva attack during the award ceremonies. Maybe a bit of frustration crept in, maybe more to the story than one cares to know but such reports of ugliness tarnished what was a good week for her. (8.5/10)
CASSANDRA JANE (Burlesque - Entertainer Of The Year - Miss Nude Australia 2011) :- Here's the official winner. I don't want to stoke the fires again but in my opinion, the "Entertainer Of The Year" award was apt. She was entertaining even if her show seemed overlong, she looked fantastic and was one of the shows of the year without doubt. In fact it was such a good show that I could take my mother to see it without fear of embarassment. However the glitz polished up what really wasn't a sexy or engaging show. I say she wasn't engaging because I couldn't help but notice that Cassandra was transfixed on the mirror at the back of the room. This is what I meant by insincerity. She would of got the same reaction if she guested on a camp show like Dancing With The Stars with the exact same show barring the nudity. Perhaps mounting the horse towards the show in an act of beastiality was a tacky misstep that could have been done without. Cassandra ticked all the right boxes for competitions but put bluntly, she wasn't sexy and a strip show without a hint of sex is not acceptable. The most pretentious show I have seen on a stripclub stage. (8.5/10 - for sheer entertainment value only)
That just about wraps up another year in the stripping calendar. Everything resets back to zero as from this week. But what about the competition overall? Some good shows, a couple of brilliant shows but overall the standard was no better or worse than in the previous decade. Kudos to co-host Morgan Summers who did a great job, and of course Madame was Madame and that's all one needs to know really! The production ran smoothly and apart from the hiccup at the tail end, all the ladies behaved professionally if not graceful (a couple really should cut down the booze at the end of the night!).
So that's it. Thanks for reading!
So it is with our humble pageant. It's very usual, almost a given, that people complain about the winner. The only two occasions I can recall that people were in utter agreement was in 2009 with Amarli Inez and 2002 with Morgan Summers. Not to say that all previous winners are undeserving because major success is hard to achieve and should be applauded (as long as it is achieved in honest manner which these days involving anything at all to do with entertainment you have to question) but that is simply the nature of the beauty contest beast. Yet I have not witness such an outpouring of utter bewilderment at this year's winner, even by people who I assumed would be on the winner's side. So did the judges get it wrong and how? Is the public looking for something new? Should the criteria be reassessed? At the end of the day, one can only shrug their shoulders and ask does it really matter. To use a parallel example, the best film category at The Academy Awards of 1977 featured both Annie Hall and Star Wars in the nominations. Annie Hall won the Film Of The Year but to a lot of people, Star Wars hold a special place in the heart and to their minds was the best film of 1977. So who is right? (For the record, I love both films but hopefully you know the point I'm trying to make).
So let's get down to the basic thing you are here to read and that's the rundown of contestants. I shall also list their individual awards as well. So who didn't make the cut?
AMBER EDEN (Dance Champion)
CANDY (Most Unique Show)
HONEY (Most Exotic Showgirl)
KAYLEE (Best Butt)
ZAHRA STARDUST (Pole Dance Champion)
MERCEDES (Most Photogenic)
Which leads us to the final eight.
RIKKI-LEE RITCH ("Fergie" from Black Eyed Peas - Best Breasts) :- It was a high energy start to the competition. Rikki's shows are always fun and she always appears to enjoy herself but in this sort of competition where glitter is more important than sex (or fun for that matter), Rikki didn't really have a chance of appearing in the top three. However she knows that which means she can perform with a sense of abandon that a lot of this night's shows seemed to lack. Having said that, Rikki's sense of fun is contagious so what is there not to like? (7.5/10)
AMBER LEE (Cowgirl - Hottest Legs) :- Yes, another bloody cowgirl which every stripper has done in some form or another. Well that may not be the case but it sure appears like it. Apparently Amer-Lee was a "Rodeo Barbie". The music mix was confusing at the beginning as the song "Barbie Girl" was overheard during the same tired cowgirl choices. Why doesn't these girls use country music for crying out loud? Contemporary country would be ideal. An average show. (5/10)
TANIKA WEST (Frenchmaid - Beauty Queen) :- Looking like she just transported herself from some 1988 hair metal rock band video, the lady with the most obvious boob job may have given one the impression that this year's final was under-par. The night got better as it went on and it's a good thing that Tamika was after Amber-Lee because she would have laughed off the stage if she was slotted in between the latter contestants. Put bluntly, this was crap. Everything you don't want in a strip show in 2011, barring the odd buck nights' party down the local pub. (3.5/10)
LEILANI (Lara Croft - Hottest Body) :- So now the competition really heats up and Leilani went for the gymnastic side of stripshows by once again hanging herself in various contortions from silks hung from the ceiling. Of course she got a huge reaction which proves my tired old point. Consider that at this stage of her show, Leilani has not taken off any of her costume yet she received thunderous applause which makes one think that the actual art of striptease is not as essential as the visual WOW factor. Therefore none of this show was cerebral and it is almost treating the audience with contempt, as if we have to be shown what is entertaining rather than leaving room for one's imagination. Leilani also decided to use day-glo paint once she got naked to wash off in the shower. Unfortunately the application of said paint to body made it looked like the aftershock of a monsterous sneeze. Not alluring. (7.5/10)
ASHTON AVENUE (Bride - Businessmen's Choice Of The Year, whatever that means) ;- I was glad that Ashton made the final and it seemed only proper. Talking to a lot of young guys after the shows, they made a special note of Ashton's appearance and show. So you may understand my dismay when for the final out comes the stage decorations, none of which she had before. Silver ribbons, baloons, confetti etc. which makes one ask why as they were not used in her first shows and she certainly didn't use them at all during this show! Maybe last-minute nerves or some wayward advice. I'm sorry to say that this performance wasn't as good as her others during the week but at least the bubbles were better on the night. Lots of potential but Ashton should not get sidetracked. (7/10)
SERENA BAILEY (School Teacher - Most Sensous And Erotic Woman - Miss Nude Australia 2nd Runner-up) :- I won't say anymore about the controversy other than I believe this lady was the best not only on the night but all week and in a lot of people's eyes should have been the winner. Serena was sex on legs, hot without being tacky, absolutely beautiful and every guy (and some girls, let's be honest) exact idea of what they want to see and experience in a stripshow. Don't worry Serena fans, we'll be seeing her next year. Utter brilliance. So what were the judges looking for or at? (10/10)
*I was told after the shows that Serena has done very little stage work up to this point. Unbelievable! Where do they make women like this? Can I go there?
ELECTRA (Vegas - Most Sex Appeal - Miss Nude Australia's 1st Runner-up) :- I don't think anyone can mount a good argument against Electra being in the top three. Certainly her show this night was performed with more confidence and was very good. While in my eyes Electra wasn't as alluring as Serena, she does exude a certain sexiness that is more fun than dangerous but this is hardly a minus point! Electra was certainly better than last year where she also came second and I was disappointed to hear that she had a diva attack during the award ceremonies. Maybe a bit of frustration crept in, maybe more to the story than one cares to know but such reports of ugliness tarnished what was a good week for her. (8.5/10)
CASSANDRA JANE (Burlesque - Entertainer Of The Year - Miss Nude Australia 2011) :- Here's the official winner. I don't want to stoke the fires again but in my opinion, the "Entertainer Of The Year" award was apt. She was entertaining even if her show seemed overlong, she looked fantastic and was one of the shows of the year without doubt. In fact it was such a good show that I could take my mother to see it without fear of embarassment. However the glitz polished up what really wasn't a sexy or engaging show. I say she wasn't engaging because I couldn't help but notice that Cassandra was transfixed on the mirror at the back of the room. This is what I meant by insincerity. She would of got the same reaction if she guested on a camp show like Dancing With The Stars with the exact same show barring the nudity. Perhaps mounting the horse towards the show in an act of beastiality was a tacky misstep that could have been done without. Cassandra ticked all the right boxes for competitions but put bluntly, she wasn't sexy and a strip show without a hint of sex is not acceptable. The most pretentious show I have seen on a stripclub stage. (8.5/10 - for sheer entertainment value only)
That just about wraps up another year in the stripping calendar. Everything resets back to zero as from this week. But what about the competition overall? Some good shows, a couple of brilliant shows but overall the standard was no better or worse than in the previous decade. Kudos to co-host Morgan Summers who did a great job, and of course Madame was Madame and that's all one needs to know really! The production ran smoothly and apart from the hiccup at the tail end, all the ladies behaved professionally if not graceful (a couple really should cut down the booze at the end of the night!).
So that's it. Thanks for reading!
Thursday 25 August 2011
MISS NUDE AUSTRALIA 2011 - Thursday
Thursday night saw the remaining seven contestants do a show vying for a spot in the big final. So let's stuck right into the rundown:-
AMBER LEE (Queen? Ice Warrior?) - You can see the problem straight away can't you? I don't think anybody knew for sure what the theme was but what we can ascertain it had something to do with toy lightsabers and a shower curtain. I got the feeling that Amber was trying to cramp too much into 15 minutes that her performance suffered. She didn't really engage with the audience as she battled with dancing in her heels. Okay but not a contest winner. 5/10
KAYLEE (Moulin Rouge/Burlesque) - Kaylee looks great with big natural breasts that have that irresistable bounce that is strangely hypnotic on their own so I reasoned that all she had to do was a decent enough show to be a shoo-in. Unfortunately it was a very tired old theme of Moulin Rouge that everyone has seen hundreds of times before and if you are going to do this theme again, you had better add something new. Kaylee didn't. In fact she used all the standard cliches right up to using that nauseating Christina Aguilera song "Nasty Naughty Boy" for her shower section. When will the ladies realise that a) this is not jazz and b) it's not sexy. An average show and one which even the occasional punter would have seen many times before. 5.5/10
SERENA BAILEY (Dominatrix): Stop the presses! Ladies and Gentlemen, here's your winner of the week. Everything I complained about in the previous blog were corrected with this genuinely erotic show. The music was very good and suited Serena's slinky moves. The props were simple (just the chair thanks and a can of shaving cream for a ring of fire effect) and the costume none too elaborate. All the elements combined to make a show that had the punters transfixed. I couldn't help but notice that a lot of the genuine customers had THAT look on their face, that "I would love to do her..." look which is pretty much what a strip show is all about. Serena looked dangerous whereas the other contestants looked twee. She was a woman in a week full of pretty dancing gymnasts. Even the judges applauded loudly as did I who admittedly rarely claps for anything during this week. More shows like this will bring back the customers guaranteed and I hope all the other dancers, contestants or not, took notes because this is how you do it. Brilliant! 9.5/10 (I've deducted half a point because the gaps in between the songs broke the mood too often, even though it was only a couple of seconds)
MERCEDES (Michael Jackson) - Ah well, someone had to go after Serena... At the start of the night I was told to look out for Mercedes because of the Michael Jackson theme. Under normal circumstances it could have possibly grabbed the punters' attention but alas due to the too-busy mix (which sounded awful on the PA - DJs please do not use compression when compiling mixes, it makes the music sound cramp, lifeless and crap) and the fact that, as far as I know, no man has ever fantasized about Michael Jackson, Mercedes missed her mark completely. She's a great dancer no doubt but it wasn't sexy and imitating Jackson moves doesn't cut it anymore. And what was the point of the fire? At least Serena had an original idea when using the same "trick". An okay show but maybe Mercedes should stop trying to impress her fellow dancers and ask what her potential customers would want to see. 6.5/10
RICKY-LEE RITCH (Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas, I assume): Ricky-Lee had no overall theme as such and unless you saw the filmclip of the Black Eyes Peas "Rock Your Body", chances you had no idea what the costume and gun was for! Yes all you regular Crazy Horse customers, this is the same Ricki that danced for us in 2007-2010. Not that you would recognise the show because her act has been fine-tuned with actual choreographed moves and lots of pole work thrown in. Ricky-Lee is even using contemporary hits rather than hits from the 1990s. To be blunt, there is nothing in her show that would separate Ricky from the others save perhaps a ton more personality. Let's face it, Ricky-Lee doesn't take herself any more seriously than you do and it's that sense of fun and abandon that is infectious. 7/10
LEILANI (Lara Croft): I really thought Lara would be taller than that... Anyway Leilani decided to make the silk acrobatics the centrepiece of her show. In fact she used the poles and silks so much that I believe her feet were on the ground for just 25% of the show. Yes Leilani was entertaining and the music production probably thought out. No one will say they weren't impressed with her gymnastic skills on the silk ropes but was it sexy or just merely athletic? That's the problem. While tricks like this will always impress an audience, Leilani could have kept the costume on and get the exact same reaction which makes a mockery of this supposed striptease competition. Trouble is she would have got high marks for the show and as long as this continues to happen, the contestants will always go for the spectacular instead of the sexy. 7/10
*As a side note, why did Leilani choose Lara Croft? If she wanted to do an action character from a video game, why not choose Chloe Frazer from uncharted 2? She is rendered just as sexy and alluring with realistically proportioned breasts. Me thinks Lara has had a one-too-many boob job!
ZAHRA STARDUST (Dominatrix) - Oh dear oh dear oh dear.... The opposite of Serena Bailey using the same theme. Zara went for props, trapeze, conceptual music mixes etc etc and showed everyone how not to do it in the process. The music was overdubbed with a voice over about the mating habits of females which just got in the way of everything and then used Myley Cyrus's "Can't Be Tamed" which is probably the most ironic song ever. Who believes Hannah Montana can't be tamed? Probably the same gullible unfortunates who think Zahra was alluring. Then, in the middle of her show, she holds up signs like "Strippers Unite" as some sort of protest. What the hell was that about? What is she protesting against? Entertainment? And then, you had the swing in which Ms Stardust did some fancy hanging off which delighted the girls in the crowd and positively bored the punters. Bloody hell this was embarrassing. Later I heard that some people (industry people I should clarify) thought she did a great show. Pig's arse she did, Zahra Stardust was absolute shite. 2.5/10
So now we're up to the final. As far as predictions go, I say as far as the top three goes I would pick Serena, Electra and Cassandra but I would love love to see Ashton in there as well.
To be continued...
AMBER LEE (Queen? Ice Warrior?) - You can see the problem straight away can't you? I don't think anybody knew for sure what the theme was but what we can ascertain it had something to do with toy lightsabers and a shower curtain. I got the feeling that Amber was trying to cramp too much into 15 minutes that her performance suffered. She didn't really engage with the audience as she battled with dancing in her heels. Okay but not a contest winner. 5/10
KAYLEE (Moulin Rouge/Burlesque) - Kaylee looks great with big natural breasts that have that irresistable bounce that is strangely hypnotic on their own so I reasoned that all she had to do was a decent enough show to be a shoo-in. Unfortunately it was a very tired old theme of Moulin Rouge that everyone has seen hundreds of times before and if you are going to do this theme again, you had better add something new. Kaylee didn't. In fact she used all the standard cliches right up to using that nauseating Christina Aguilera song "Nasty Naughty Boy" for her shower section. When will the ladies realise that a) this is not jazz and b) it's not sexy. An average show and one which even the occasional punter would have seen many times before. 5.5/10
SERENA BAILEY (Dominatrix): Stop the presses! Ladies and Gentlemen, here's your winner of the week. Everything I complained about in the previous blog were corrected with this genuinely erotic show. The music was very good and suited Serena's slinky moves. The props were simple (just the chair thanks and a can of shaving cream for a ring of fire effect) and the costume none too elaborate. All the elements combined to make a show that had the punters transfixed. I couldn't help but notice that a lot of the genuine customers had THAT look on their face, that "I would love to do her..." look which is pretty much what a strip show is all about. Serena looked dangerous whereas the other contestants looked twee. She was a woman in a week full of pretty dancing gymnasts. Even the judges applauded loudly as did I who admittedly rarely claps for anything during this week. More shows like this will bring back the customers guaranteed and I hope all the other dancers, contestants or not, took notes because this is how you do it. Brilliant! 9.5/10 (I've deducted half a point because the gaps in between the songs broke the mood too often, even though it was only a couple of seconds)
MERCEDES (Michael Jackson) - Ah well, someone had to go after Serena... At the start of the night I was told to look out for Mercedes because of the Michael Jackson theme. Under normal circumstances it could have possibly grabbed the punters' attention but alas due to the too-busy mix (which sounded awful on the PA - DJs please do not use compression when compiling mixes, it makes the music sound cramp, lifeless and crap) and the fact that, as far as I know, no man has ever fantasized about Michael Jackson, Mercedes missed her mark completely. She's a great dancer no doubt but it wasn't sexy and imitating Jackson moves doesn't cut it anymore. And what was the point of the fire? At least Serena had an original idea when using the same "trick". An okay show but maybe Mercedes should stop trying to impress her fellow dancers and ask what her potential customers would want to see. 6.5/10
RICKY-LEE RITCH (Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas, I assume): Ricky-Lee had no overall theme as such and unless you saw the filmclip of the Black Eyes Peas "Rock Your Body", chances you had no idea what the costume and gun was for! Yes all you regular Crazy Horse customers, this is the same Ricki that danced for us in 2007-2010. Not that you would recognise the show because her act has been fine-tuned with actual choreographed moves and lots of pole work thrown in. Ricky-Lee is even using contemporary hits rather than hits from the 1990s. To be blunt, there is nothing in her show that would separate Ricky from the others save perhaps a ton more personality. Let's face it, Ricky-Lee doesn't take herself any more seriously than you do and it's that sense of fun and abandon that is infectious. 7/10
LEILANI (Lara Croft): I really thought Lara would be taller than that... Anyway Leilani decided to make the silk acrobatics the centrepiece of her show. In fact she used the poles and silks so much that I believe her feet were on the ground for just 25% of the show. Yes Leilani was entertaining and the music production probably thought out. No one will say they weren't impressed with her gymnastic skills on the silk ropes but was it sexy or just merely athletic? That's the problem. While tricks like this will always impress an audience, Leilani could have kept the costume on and get the exact same reaction which makes a mockery of this supposed striptease competition. Trouble is she would have got high marks for the show and as long as this continues to happen, the contestants will always go for the spectacular instead of the sexy. 7/10
*As a side note, why did Leilani choose Lara Croft? If she wanted to do an action character from a video game, why not choose Chloe Frazer from uncharted 2? She is rendered just as sexy and alluring with realistically proportioned breasts. Me thinks Lara has had a one-too-many boob job!
ZAHRA STARDUST (Dominatrix) - Oh dear oh dear oh dear.... The opposite of Serena Bailey using the same theme. Zara went for props, trapeze, conceptual music mixes etc etc and showed everyone how not to do it in the process. The music was overdubbed with a voice over about the mating habits of females which just got in the way of everything and then used Myley Cyrus's "Can't Be Tamed" which is probably the most ironic song ever. Who believes Hannah Montana can't be tamed? Probably the same gullible unfortunates who think Zahra was alluring. Then, in the middle of her show, she holds up signs like "Strippers Unite" as some sort of protest. What the hell was that about? What is she protesting against? Entertainment? And then, you had the swing in which Ms Stardust did some fancy hanging off which delighted the girls in the crowd and positively bored the punters. Bloody hell this was embarrassing. Later I heard that some people (industry people I should clarify) thought she did a great show. Pig's arse she did, Zahra Stardust was absolute shite. 2.5/10
So now we're up to the final. As far as predictions go, I say as far as the top three goes I would pick Serena, Electra and Cassandra but I would love love to see Ashton in there as well.
To be continued...
Wednesday 24 August 2011
MISS NUDE AUSTRALIA 2011 - Wednesday
After much consideration, I have decided to blog the rest of the infamous Miss Nude Australia pageant for 2011. Right now the standard cliches of "the best one ever", "gorgeous looking ladies" and "the best of the best" are being tossed around ad infinitum but so far one would hard pressed to find a more insipid contest. Insipid? Because there's nothing to distinguish this pageant from any other of the proceeding decade. Same ideas, almost the same music and in a few cases the same contestants. There's a lot of talk about costumes and props disregarding the reason why stripclubs exist:- T&A. Face it people, stripclubs are a 3D lifelike jerk-off magazine for guys and out of the all girly magazines I have encountered over the past 30-odd years, not many (if at all) put an emphasis on costumes. Put simply, guys don't care about that crap. Should I say heterosexual guys don't give clothes any consideration in this context and sometimes you get the feeling the girls are dancing for the girls and the guys who dress up as girls on the weekend. Regardless of that paradox of logic, let's run down the list of the ladies who performed in heat 3 of the pageant and do remember, it's an opinion in a non-consequential blog okay?
CASSANDRA JANE (Burlesque):- I still cannot decide if I like this show or not. Sure, the costume was great, the props eye catching and the dancing faultless but one does feel that this was a show specifically designed to win a contest. Which you can argue is the entire point of the exercise but Cassandra forgot a vital element: audience. While people involved in the industry may have been wowed, the average punter sitting on the side of the stage who paid his hard earned to be there was bored and only came alive when Cassandra took off that much fabled costume. The music consisted of genuine old time burlesque tunes and some from the that god awful "Burlesque" movie (minus points there, love) ending with Aretha Franklin's "Natural Woman" in the shower which was a relief after the Christina Aguilera vocal narcsissm. All in all, a perfect show of insincerity and void of personality, much like a Kylie Minogue concert. Having said all that, it was one of the best two shows that night. She's in the final but for the wrong reasons. 7.5/10
CANDY (Katy Perry);- Okay major points deducted for basing a set around Katy Perry, one of the world's most over-rated stars. One can mount a successful argument that Candy encapsulated the true essence of Katy Perry by dressing up in a stupid costume, trying way too hard to be liked, being annoying and generally ignored by everyone in the audience except for the drunk ladies who cannot resist a loud "WOOOOOO!!!" at every given opportunity. Not good enough. 4/10
ELECTRA (Vegas):- One of the most visually stunning ladies in the contest, Electra's show was a conceptual mess yet very entertaining. I'll forgive the use of Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" even if I'm still not 100% sure what that song has to do with casinos. Electra oozed sexuality that was subtle and not grotesque. I believe that's what made the show a success actually, the absence of crassness or "I really really really want to win" presentation. Bonus points for using U2's "With Or Without You" as a shower song, making an already sexy song downright erotic. Bono could be renamed Boner. 7/10
AMBER EDEN (Africa): One really wanted to like Amber's show but I'm sure most of it went over the heads of the audience, particularly in the use of genuine African music at the start. Everything was going fine until the concept went haywire when Nickelback came blaring out of the PA and she did some tricks with the hanging silks. Ignore the cries of "Not good as Cassandra on the silks!" because Amber performed the same tricks in the same manner but with less smugness. An okay show that was dumbed down for the masses towards the end. 5.5/10
*By the way, the use of fancy tricks on the pole, silks or hula hoops are very impressive. In fact so impressive that the performer in question would get applause even if she was fully clothed, would she not? I'd hate to see it go down the path of 2006/7 when these nude gymnastics virtually took over the pageants leaving no room for the actual striptease element of the show. This is not circus le soleil, this is a bloody stripclub in Hindley Street. Stop the pretension now!
ASHTON AVENUE (Bride):- For me, Ashton was the best show. WHAT?!! cries a thousand voices in South Australia. Let me explain why. Ashton didn't have fancy props, her costume almost wasn't there but she oozed sensuality out of every pore and got the proper customers involved in her show. Looking at the guys around the stage, one could see a lot of them pining and thinking to themselves "Give me ten minute with this chick...". In other words: STRIPTEASE. A girl's dance should be an advertisement for a hot night. Ashton promised eye-opening sex in contrast to Cassandra who, going by her show, would stop every five seconds and ask if you were impressed by her skills. Ms Avenue even made a Spice Girls track tolerable but Ashton, I would lose the bubbles! 8/10
HONEY (Jungle):- I'm not sure why people continue to downgrade Honey. She is trying new things on a regular basis and seems to have a genuine desire to deliver a good show. Maybe it's the naivety that grates certain people. If there was a drawback to her performance, it was just any other Honey show on a regular night. Honey simply needs a WOW factor and pole tricks simply won't do, especially in a competition night where by the time you're on stage the judges have seen silk rope gymnastics. However Honey is trying and the fact she has got in the finals twice already means she is on the right track. 6/10
TANIKA WEST (Sailor):- Oh dear. Watching a lady in a sparkling sailor costume walking on to Village People's "In The Navy" is not a promising start. Does anyone realise this song was an intentional gay joke? I cannot remember anything else about this show which is saying something as this is the day after as I'm writing this. I do recall that I thought her breasts were placed upside down on her chest. It later transpired that this is incorrect. 4/10
Bear in mind while reading my rantings that this is all opinion and a lot of is tongue-in-cheek. Then again, this blog also reveals my thoughts on why this business is slowly turning itself away from the one major factor that gives it a reason to exist: The Guys In The Audience. If you are a good dancer, word will get around and one doesn't need the pyrotechnics and nude gymnastics to prove otherwise. Sure, you will impress judges and the industry but hype and talent should never be confused. People know the real thing when they see it and in an entertainment sphere where glamour is preferred to humanity, that is something to be thankful for. Oh sure everyone wants to be Lady GaGa for the notoriety and fame but let's not forget Lady GaGa's sales are dwindling while someone like Adele has the world's best selling album of 2011. See? Talent wins over hype every time.
To be continued...
CASSANDRA JANE (Burlesque):- I still cannot decide if I like this show or not. Sure, the costume was great, the props eye catching and the dancing faultless but one does feel that this was a show specifically designed to win a contest. Which you can argue is the entire point of the exercise but Cassandra forgot a vital element: audience. While people involved in the industry may have been wowed, the average punter sitting on the side of the stage who paid his hard earned to be there was bored and only came alive when Cassandra took off that much fabled costume. The music consisted of genuine old time burlesque tunes and some from the that god awful "Burlesque" movie (minus points there, love) ending with Aretha Franklin's "Natural Woman" in the shower which was a relief after the Christina Aguilera vocal narcsissm. All in all, a perfect show of insincerity and void of personality, much like a Kylie Minogue concert. Having said all that, it was one of the best two shows that night. She's in the final but for the wrong reasons. 7.5/10
CANDY (Katy Perry);- Okay major points deducted for basing a set around Katy Perry, one of the world's most over-rated stars. One can mount a successful argument that Candy encapsulated the true essence of Katy Perry by dressing up in a stupid costume, trying way too hard to be liked, being annoying and generally ignored by everyone in the audience except for the drunk ladies who cannot resist a loud "WOOOOOO!!!" at every given opportunity. Not good enough. 4/10
ELECTRA (Vegas):- One of the most visually stunning ladies in the contest, Electra's show was a conceptual mess yet very entertaining. I'll forgive the use of Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" even if I'm still not 100% sure what that song has to do with casinos. Electra oozed sexuality that was subtle and not grotesque. I believe that's what made the show a success actually, the absence of crassness or "I really really really want to win" presentation. Bonus points for using U2's "With Or Without You" as a shower song, making an already sexy song downright erotic. Bono could be renamed Boner. 7/10
AMBER EDEN (Africa): One really wanted to like Amber's show but I'm sure most of it went over the heads of the audience, particularly in the use of genuine African music at the start. Everything was going fine until the concept went haywire when Nickelback came blaring out of the PA and she did some tricks with the hanging silks. Ignore the cries of "Not good as Cassandra on the silks!" because Amber performed the same tricks in the same manner but with less smugness. An okay show that was dumbed down for the masses towards the end. 5.5/10
*By the way, the use of fancy tricks on the pole, silks or hula hoops are very impressive. In fact so impressive that the performer in question would get applause even if she was fully clothed, would she not? I'd hate to see it go down the path of 2006/7 when these nude gymnastics virtually took over the pageants leaving no room for the actual striptease element of the show. This is not circus le soleil, this is a bloody stripclub in Hindley Street. Stop the pretension now!
ASHTON AVENUE (Bride):- For me, Ashton was the best show. WHAT?!! cries a thousand voices in South Australia. Let me explain why. Ashton didn't have fancy props, her costume almost wasn't there but she oozed sensuality out of every pore and got the proper customers involved in her show. Looking at the guys around the stage, one could see a lot of them pining and thinking to themselves "Give me ten minute with this chick...". In other words: STRIPTEASE. A girl's dance should be an advertisement for a hot night. Ashton promised eye-opening sex in contrast to Cassandra who, going by her show, would stop every five seconds and ask if you were impressed by her skills. Ms Avenue even made a Spice Girls track tolerable but Ashton, I would lose the bubbles! 8/10
HONEY (Jungle):- I'm not sure why people continue to downgrade Honey. She is trying new things on a regular basis and seems to have a genuine desire to deliver a good show. Maybe it's the naivety that grates certain people. If there was a drawback to her performance, it was just any other Honey show on a regular night. Honey simply needs a WOW factor and pole tricks simply won't do, especially in a competition night where by the time you're on stage the judges have seen silk rope gymnastics. However Honey is trying and the fact she has got in the finals twice already means she is on the right track. 6/10
TANIKA WEST (Sailor):- Oh dear. Watching a lady in a sparkling sailor costume walking on to Village People's "In The Navy" is not a promising start. Does anyone realise this song was an intentional gay joke? I cannot remember anything else about this show which is saying something as this is the day after as I'm writing this. I do recall that I thought her breasts were placed upside down on her chest. It later transpired that this is incorrect. 4/10
Bear in mind while reading my rantings that this is all opinion and a lot of is tongue-in-cheek. Then again, this blog also reveals my thoughts on why this business is slowly turning itself away from the one major factor that gives it a reason to exist: The Guys In The Audience. If you are a good dancer, word will get around and one doesn't need the pyrotechnics and nude gymnastics to prove otherwise. Sure, you will impress judges and the industry but hype and talent should never be confused. People know the real thing when they see it and in an entertainment sphere where glamour is preferred to humanity, that is something to be thankful for. Oh sure everyone wants to be Lady GaGa for the notoriety and fame but let's not forget Lady GaGa's sales are dwindling while someone like Adele has the world's best selling album of 2011. See? Talent wins over hype every time.
To be continued...
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